This blog chronicles the miracles and struggles of our daughters, Emily and Olivia. Emily was born 15 weeks early and had many complications, but she continues to amaze us! Olivia, born in China with heart complications, is also beating the odds. She joined her forever family (us!) when she was four years old and has been doing wonderfully! UPDATE: We started homeschooling August 2009 :)

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Letting it go

Following up yesterday's post...I belong to an online forum for parents of kids with APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) and found this post written to another concerned parent which confirmed what I believe also applies to Emily.  After all, if the results were really accurate of her abilities, she probably wouldn't be able to do all the things she can (read at grade level, etc.).  I believe that her language disorders prevented her from demonstrating her true abilities, rendering the test inaccurate (especially if the test had oral instructions).  If the purpose of the test was to flag kids who need special services, she's already been flagged, so I'm going to try to just file this away and move on.  We're already intervening, so the results serve us no purpose except to be a discouragement that we don't need.  Instead, I'm choosing to believe that she has defied the odds and will continue to do so.  She survived for a reason and our job is to recognize that she is on her own path and to help her be the best that she can be.  

If your daughter’s scores on a particular standardized test are what you
and/or others are basing her cognitive abilities on, you need to determine
if the scores she received are a true reflection of her ability at the time
the test was administered or a result of other factors, for example, her
language disorder. Often times, for example, the WISC is administered to
children with language-based disorders and they score low because the WISC
is heavily language-loaded. A good examiner would be able to discern this
through the administration of various testing instruments and observations,

Another thing that keeps coming to mind is that God doesn't always choose to remove our obstacles or "thorns in our side." He sees the bigger picture and may have a different, better plan than we can even imagine.  Sure, I can (and do) ask for her learning disabilities to go away, but He may have a different plan.  Perhaps she (&/or we) will use our experiences to impact others in a way that will someday all make sense.  Who knows, but I just need to remember that no matter what, God is in control and worrying does no good.  Easier said than done because as I mom I want to fix my kids' problems, but in reality I can't.  I can feel helpless and hopeless or I can choose to put it in God's hands and trust Him.  I know the second choice is better, but some days I need a reminder!  


Dee said...

Yes Standardized tests are very very bad for that. You also have to look at basic function levels, like can she dress her self, does she know not to run into the street etc. Those tests can have any number of things in them that do not apply or that your child would understand if given more time etc. They are in no way a stamp of things to come, they are just a snap shot of your child at that time. She may have not liked the tester, she might have been hungry, etc. All these things can create a different outcome than what is expected by you the parent.

Her obsticals with intervention will improve, that is usually why a diagnosis is rendered, to get the services the child needs and the goal is usually always improvement if not correction.

that is one of the reasons as a social worker I hate saying to parents, "here is what we found when we tested" Because, it is so upsetting for everyone. BUT, she is working at it. that is the good thing.

In a year, she might have improved much on the next assessment. Which is usually the case too!

Jennifer said...

HUGS, Karyn. I know this is hard, but you do have to let go of that guilt that you have for not being able to carry her to term. That is the first step and that takes time. Live for today and take baby steps FOR TODAY. The big picture will be revealed in time. Tests are tests and for kids with learning disabilities, no test can perfectly test their true abilities. Those tests are made for a majority of kids and not all can "fit" into that norm. All kids just learn differently and tapping into that perfect way is the key that you are trying to unlock. Your daughter will always learn differently than others, but that is not always a bad thing. These days NOW are forming her into the young women she will one day become. She is being molded and shaped by the Master and HIS plan cannot be known now. Emily may not be a scholar, but her tests and trials will make her a woman of compassion and understanding. Those skills and virtues will suit her perfectly in the future. Hang in there. HUGS.